Broken Relationships With Siblings Can Be Mended At Any Time

Time can heal a broken relationship, but a sincere apology is the first step. If you feel that trust has been violated, explain your actions and thoughts honestly and forthrightly. You should reflect on your motivations to provide an honest explanation.

Broken Relationships With Siblings

When you have more than one child, there’s an unwritten expectation that they’ll all get along famously and be very loyal to each other. For individuals such as me, the truth is that it isn’t accurate. 

When I was seven, my two sisters and I escaped London for South Florida. All four of my brothers stayed in the UK, and I sincerely felt their absence. When I returned to London at 17, I had no contact with my brothers again. A lack of communication, the passage of time, and physical separation rendered the once-existent link meaningless.

My neurological system changes whenever I observe the dynamics among my childhood siblings. That change is the sadness I feel that my siblings and I no longer get to enjoy annual family trips, Christmas chitchat, or Zoom calls where we can all giggle over the mischief we made when we were youngsters.

Here, we’ll examine what goes wrong with sibling relationships, how to overcome them, and what parents can do to help their kids have better connections. 

The Roots of Broken Sibling Bonds 

There had yet to be prior planning for my relocation from London to the United States. My brothers didn’t accompany us when we moved, and I only inquired about their decision once I was much older. Thinking back on my youth, I can’t help but feel that being separated from my brothers was a terrible experience for both of us.

1. Phebe Brako-Owusu, founder of 253 Therapy and Consult, states that family changes can lead to strained sibling relationships.
2. It doesn’t help that they’re so far apart that one got lucky while the other didn’t. Because of this, that comfort level is lacking. According to her, it’s as if they’re leading completely different lives. 
3. Things would have been less stressful if we had talked about the relocation as a family and gotten our emotions acknowledged. My dysfunctional family dynamics and the strained relationships among my siblings have their roots in our lack of open communication culture. 
4. Brako-Owusu elaborates, saying, “I think that sometimes family traumas are not talked about openly whenever something really horrible happens within the family. It’s pushed under the carpet, and we pretend something hasn’t happened.” 
5. Parental partiality and sibling rivalry are additional factors that might lead to strained sibling relationships; this was a common experience for my siblings and me. Both can intensify animosity between siblings, which can impact interpersonal dynamics. 
6. As a family, they identify one child who stands out as exceptionally bright or talented and put all their resources into helping that child succeed. “But then the other children get negated,” says Lotus Counseling & Consulting LLC owner Kalonya Jones.
7. According to a YouGov survey from 2023, over half of American children with at least one sibling reported having sibling rivalries as children. While 21% think sibling rivalry helps siblings get along, 25% think it hinders future sibling relationships. I never felt safe being myself since being one of the “favorites” put undue pressure on me to meet impossible standards. 

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Repairing Damaged Relations With a Sibling

No one is ever truly alone when it comes to sibling rivalry. Maintaining constant amicability with one’s siblings can be challenging. However, if you break old habits and learn to communicate better with them, you can develop a new and stronger bond with them.

For many, the sibling relationship is among the most enduring relationships they will ever have. Rebuilding a damaged relationship can be challenging and quick. However, the rewards of mending fences with a sibling are substantial.

Our post is based on an interview with Supatra Tovar, owner of Dr. Supatra Tovar and Associates, a licensed clinical psychologist, registered dietitian, and fitness specialist. 

Method 1

How to Get Along With Your Siblings When You Were Young

The first thing you should do is not measure up to your siblings.

Do not judge yourself by your siblings’ standards. Remember that your parents will likely celebrate your achievements with your siblings, just like they do right now, whenever you do something remarkable. No one cares about how much better your sibling is than you are.

It’s alright if you’re less talented than your sister in drawing. There are several things at which everyone excels. Your siblings may not be as talented as you are in some areas. Avoid making them feel horrible or boasting about it.

Step 2 is to take turns being the focus of attention.

Embrace the opportunity to be the focus of attention. No one can give you undivided attention all the time. However, it can be unpleasant when you believe you need to receive more attention.

When your sister or brother is the center of attention, it’s best not to act envious because it comes across as cruel. If you feel excluded, talk to your parents about it. They’ll figure out a method to make you feel included.

Step 3: Communicate your concerns to a sibling.

Just let your brother or sister know how you’re feeling. Make it clear that you’re not interested in lending your sister any more items if she continues taking them without paying you back. Make a pact to be more careful with her belongings and ask her to be extra cautious going forward. The most excellent method to resolve issues is to talk them out.

Step 4, don’t blame your sibling when it’s not their fault.

Don’t blame your siblings when it’s not their fault. Remember that there is a developmental gap in how children are handled. Is it just you, or does your younger sibling appear to be the center of attention?

When you were his age, you most certainly did as well. Do you ever feel like your elder sister has more freedom than you do? Once you reach her age, you will be granted permission to partake in similar activities.

Step 5: Breathe deeply.

Breathe deeply. Take a few minutes to collect yourself before yelling at your sibling; otherwise, the situation will likely escalate into a full-blown argument from which it will be difficult to recover.

Step 6: consult your parents.

Gather your folks together. If you and your sibling have attempted to mend your connection without success, consult your parents for advice. Since no one else knows you two as well as they do, they are in the best position to offer advice.

If you want to avoid making your sibling furious, don’t bring up family issues in front of your parents. Find a quiet moment when your parents are alone so that you can have a private conversation without worrying about your siblings overhearing.

Method 2

Reconnecting with a Sibling After a Decade

First, have an opening strategy.

Conceive of an opener. Change is more probable at specific points in life. When other significant changes occur, people are more likely to be open and honest emotionally and willing to work on repairing relationships.

Now that your partnership dynamics are more malleable, it could be more accessible to reimagine them. If feasible, arrange for your arrival to coincide with a significant life event.

The birth of a child, the end of a marriage, or the loss of a parent. Certain events can make people rethink their connections with others. Additionally, people tend to be more receptive to change when they retire or their children move out.

Step 2: Arrange for a truce.

Stop the fighting. If you and your sibling both feel the need to mend fences, stop the fighting. Recognize that you are both fueling the enmity and resolve to put an end to your personal attacks.

But for peace to be possible, both sides must desire it simultaneously. If you try to force someone when they aren’t prepared, they will fight you or act as if they agree while really hating you.

Step 3: Make a personal connection.

Make direct eye contact. If you typically speak with them through text or email, or if that is your only contact method, you can initiate contact when you are ready to ask for a reconciliation.

Be warned that trying to have an honest conversation over email can escalate the situation due to the high likelihood of misunderstandings and subsequent wounded sentiments. Main conversations should always occur face-to-face or over the phone so that both parties may monitor the other’s vocal intonation in real-time.

Step 4: be patient.

It will take time. If you want someone to reply, you need to allow them some time to process the information and get ready for the conversation. Depending on how deep the divide between you is, it could be a while before they decide to even talk to you. Not waiting for them to be ready to talk is the worst thing you can do.

Step 5: keep other relatives in.

Stay away from other relatives. The scenario is already complicated enough without adding parents, spouses, and other siblings to the mix. Instead of letting others try to impose their interpretation on the circumstance, you should just voice your mind.

Your sibling may get defensive and resentful if they see another relative siding with the opposing side. Because of this, mending fences caused by old grievances will be challenging, if not impossible. 

Method 3

Sibling Conflict Resolution

Step 1: Steer clear of accusations.

Stay away from accusations. Instead of blaming them for your troubles, take responsibility for your part. Inquire about their emotions and listen attentively without getting defensive. 

Do not presume to know how people feel; listen carefully to what they say. Wait for them to finish speaking before you cut them off. There may be information regarding the scenario that you are unaware of.

Step 2: Recognize the hurt you’ve felt.

Speak up when you’re hurt. First, recognize that there is an issue. Then, find out what started the disagreement and investigate its origins.

Assure your sibling that you will try to foster a caring relationship with them and understand their feelings are legitimate. It will be simpler to forgive each other when you lower your guard and start communicating honestly and openly.

Third, express regret.

I am sorry. You must accept responsibility for contributing to the issue and identify your mistakes. After that, apologize from the heart without being defensive or dismissive. Time can heal a broken relationship, but a sincere apology is the first step.

If you feel that trust has been violated, explain your actions and thoughts honestly and forthrightly. You may need to reflect on your motivations to provide an honest explanation.

Do not offer justifications. Don’t try to make excuses for your actions; your sibling will see through them and know you aren’t sincere about wanting to change.

Step 4 is to be forgiving.

Allow yourself to be forgiven. One of you has to say sorry for the situation to go on. Your sibling will likely need to apologize if they were complicit in the wrongdoing. Take the time to listen to their side of the story and accept their apologies. You will never be able to go on if you hold onto resentments.

Step 5: Get down and dirty.

Cancel the agreement. There are specific problems that just can’t be fixed, and there are other times when you’ll never know why your sibling acted the way they did. There will be times when you disagree.

Suppose you’re serious about pursuing a relationship. In that case, you can both agree to respect one another’s unique perspectives and provide space for debate.

Method 4

Developing a Strategy to Strengthen Bonds with Siblings in Adulthood

Step 1: Make a single, reasonable adjustment.

Imagine a tiny, doable adjustment. Once you have identified the source of the argument, try to alter the dynamic of your relationship by adjusting your conduct. If you often find yourself overwhelmed by your sister’s requests for assistance, it can be helpful to pose a problem that she can assist you with instead. 

Give her concrete instructions so she doesn’t have to second-guess herself. Altering a relationship requires time and effort. Take baby steps to feel like you’re making progress.

Two, keep an eye out for emotional barriers.

Keep an eye out for emotional obstacles. When a relationship’s routine is disrupted, it can cause discomfort for all parties involved. Don’t be surprised if your brother wants to return to how things were before. Just because you are aware of this doesn’t mean you should behave the same way you always have, which could worsen matters.

If your sibling has depended on you for everything, they can be resistant when you ask for their help. Keep an eye out because they can provide you with a fresh issue to resolve at any moment.

At first, family members may complicate things by continuing to act similarly. For instance, a spouse could act suspiciously toward your sister, leading to unfavorable feelings. Get your loved ones behind your decision to change, whether for you or your sibling.

Third, maintain your position.

Maintain your stance. When faced with change, it is easy to revert to traditional behavior patterns, even if it is for the better. Avoid reverting to your previous habits after watching how your sister reacts. You and your sibling decided to try something new just to refresh your sibling’s memory. 

Fourth, keep honing your communication skills.

Keep honing your communication skills. When things start looking up between you and your sibling, start a new conversation and ask them to describe your ideal relationship. What improvements do they hope to see in the future?

Step 5: Make a list.

Please clarify. You’ve gotten into this predicament by attempting to predict your sibling’s emotions or expectations of you. Prepare ahead of time for the consequences of crossing boundaries, such as taking a short vacation from one another.

Make a pact to refrain from using offensive language if there is any.

If you need to communicate more often, plan when and how often you will communicate. Is a simple email enough? Do you think your sister would prefer a phone call instead? Which party should contact which other, and how often?

Method 5

Getting Assist From Others

First, consult a family therapist.

Have a look at family therapy. In the United States, the likelihood of a romantic partner seeking counseling is ten times higher than that of a sibling partner. Siblings don’t usually have to figure out how to handle things like money or children together because they live apart. This is not always the case because it is easy not to put as much effort into a relationship with a sibling as with a romantic partner.

While very few adults cut all links with their family, one-third or more call their connection “rivalrous” or “distant.”

Sibling counseling can be as effective as marital counseling if both parties are committed to making things right.

Inheritance or family assets are the most divisive topic among experts, and they also rank high among the reasons people get divorced.

Next, you should look into OPFT or one-on-one family therapy.

Consider OPFT or One-Person Family Therapy. Suppose you’re experiencing mental discomfort due to your sibling’s rift but are unwilling to try therapy. In that case, consider exploring it alone.

The premise of one-person family therapy is that a single family member’s actions can have a ripple effect on the rest of the family and even change their relationships. Altering your family’s dynamic might be as simple as delving into the causes of your friction and finding solutions.

Third, get a third party with no bias in the family to help you out.

Find an impartial relative or friend to help you out. Consider asking them to mediate your conversation if you and your sibling see a trusted relative or friend as an impartial third party. A third party who can listen to you objectively can identify the source of the issue while you cannot.

A mediator who genuinely cares about you and your situation will be there to provide emotional support, which is what you need to get through this difficult conversation.

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